How do you start to find a solution to this fear?
To start, write here under what is your definition of the word responsibility (this definition is very important, write it here before reading on, we will check something again in this context).
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What is “taking responsibility”?
As kids it was so much easier, all they had to do was say,
I’m hungry! I want to eat, I am thirsty, I want something to drink!
Today is not much different, we still say the same things, but because we are supposed to be adults, our sayings are more relevant to adults.
We have become used to saying what our condition is and what we want, and from that moment, we enter into standby mode.
You can wait for someone to come and serve you drinks, food, salary, buy you a house, give you money, you can wait for the same man to come and offer you a better job, offer you a raise, an executive position, you can wait for the potential customer calls you and request your service or product, you can wait for love, you can wait for a phone call from your parents to renew the relationship, you can wait for your child to come up to you and say they need help, you can wait for a Girl come to you and offer to have a drink, you can wait for a man to come to you and tell you that you don’t need to be here today, go home and spend time with your son, with your wife.
You can keep waiting, I guarantee it won’t come.
But once you are waiting, and waiting, how many times do you find yourself waiting for the call of a friend, man or woman, how many times do you find yourself waiting for a girl’s invitation, how many times do you get home from work or do you reach a certain place and you wait for someone to ask you how it was. How many times do you wait to be offered the job of your dreams, a raise or even a partnership?
How many times have you found yourself waiting for someone to hear an idea that you told a close friend at the local pub, that the person who heard you got up and approached you with the will to finance you and your idea? How many times have you waited for new customers to enter your store or your office, how long have you waited for good and devoted employees to come looking for work, how long have you waited for a journalist to come to your rebellion and ask about your field, and even advertise it in the newspaper? How long have you waited for a supplier discount to be offered? How long have you been waiting for something good to happen in your life?
How long have you been waiting for that perfect girl to hit you on the street and stand up? How long have you been waiting for the same girl in the office to ask for your number?
How long have you been waiting for the right deal to come?
How long have you been waiting to earn money?
Waiting is a situation in which you actually pass your destiny into the hands of other people, which does not imply that they are not good people, but you are not necessarily at their highest priorities. A waiting time is not defined, but it is known that it can last a lifetime; you have the power to change this.
We have become accustomed, since childhood, that once we say, cry or give some sign, or put our puppy eyes, we immediately get what we want.
And up to a certain age, our parents are even obligated to this, even by law.
But who has promised to answer you today?
I’ll tell you!
Only you, only you are committed to yourself, to make yourself better tomorrow! Only you.
We cannot give ourselves more time, we cannot control time, whether we do something or not; It will continue, but we have the power to control the waiting time.
This is the time when everything comes dressed negatively, fear, criticism, apprehension, worry, frustration, anxiety.
“The waiting time is almost always full of thoughts that we don’t want to hear.”
The waiting time is self-powered, as we know that the longer the waiting time, the more space for doubt and negativity, fears and apprehension, and as soon as they enter and fill the waiting time cavity they take us a A situation in which we further prolong the decision, or the execution, and thus create even more doubts and fears that again lead to a longer waiting time. “Decrease the waiting time, and thus decrease your negative thinking”
“And it will surely reduce your fears, since once we do this, we will have a reverse circulation, there is nothing negative to feed the waiting time, and therefore there is action, this action can produce a positive reaction, which will raise our Self-esteem and our confidence in our own abilities, and therefore will increase, taking responsibility comes from a place where we know we can.
A little tip to deal with negative thoughts:
One of the best known tricks in the world, both in medical and alternative therapies, for dealing with worry and negative thinking is worrying about yourself. But what you do is entirely up to you!
“If every time the will increases, you will go and you will, the desire will soon be shorter than the waiting time, it will seem just as real.
It can be brought to a place of content without immediate hunger or thirst.
Going and drinking – come and ask, suggest, raise, do!
But there is still a big gain from not taking responsibility.
Not taking responsibility means strengthening your belief of your own incompetence and even legitimizing to everyone what you believe in yourself, here are some examples of what beliefs and thoughts I am talking about:
1. It is not my fault, I am as I am.
2. I never asked to be born.
3. I want you to fix me I don’t have the power.
4. Life is unfair! There is no point in trying to take control of my life.
5. Why continue? I don’t see use in it.
6. You cannot help me, nobody can help me. I am useless and a failure.
7. There is no way I can handle this.
8. I can’t handle the pressure.
9. I don’t care what happens.
10. Stop the world; I want to get off.
11. I have no luck.
12. I am not smart enough.
13. If only you had better luck and were born into a healthier family or attended a better school, or got a better job, etc.
14. How can you say that I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, evil and jealous people, and other negative influences that have more influence on my future than me, surely I have no control over it.
15. How can I be happy seeing how bad my life has been so far?
16. It’s my parents’ fault.
17. The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; There is nothing I can do to change that.
18. No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.
19. I am not made of the correct material.
20. You have to accept the luck of the draw.
21. I am who I am; It’s not changing me.
22. No one is going to call me crazy, depressed, or worried and then try to change me.
What do you think, what do you say to yourself that is the reason why you are not responsible?
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What are you waiting for?
How long do you plan to wait?
Who of you can tell me that you do not dream of success, with a perfect duality, ask a girl for a date, want, be extraordinarily good at something, do not dream that your business is profitable, who does not want to be the best friend , the father that each child dreams of.
The perfect husband. Who does not want to invent a patent to sell it in millions, launch an incredible album, write a best seller, be a revered businessman in the American magazine “Forbs”, be a spiritual leader for many, be a public figure, a politician, for win a medal, stand in front of an audience and hear their cheers at the end of the conference, be independent, be admitted to the most sought-after company in the field, and much more.
But what do you do when this desire arises?
Are you one of those who tell themselves how good it would be if it were so, if you woke up tomorrow to this reality?
And a smile appears on his face, thinking what they would do with all that success, what they would buy, where they would travel, what their lives would look like, what kind of wife they would have at their side.
And when all these wonderful thoughts end, they look down, they see the current reality, they drop their candles and they stop floating.
And another dream is carried away, as if it never was.
A little sad I would say, right?
And waiting for the fulfillment of these dreams can be eternal; No one but you has the commitment and responsibility to take them away.
How long?
How long will you sit and let others live for you?
or to choose for you?
or dream for you?
or speak for you?
or to answer for you?
o How long are you going to be someone you are not?
How and who in the damn god gave you the idea that if you give your life to someone else, you will be happy.
Defend your life; it’s yours and only yours
Winston Churchill once said:
The story will be nice to me because I try to write it!
What do you plan to write today to make your story tomorrow?
Life is divided into four:
1. The first part is the time we take to find what we want to do.
2. The second part is the time we take to decide whether to do it.
3. The third part is the time we take to find when would be the best time to do it.
4. The fourth part is the time we need to understand why we didn’t do it.
Break this scheme; It’s in your hands.
This waiting is a product of our fear.
But fear is the product of waiting.
You can choose to stop this process once and for all by acting.
You can accomplish everything you want by doing one simple, small action, start a phone call that will lead to more, make contact, post an ad, promote a meeting or conversation, go to organized meetings, so you can meet more people with whom you can establish “networks”.
Go to your boss and ask for a raise, go to that girl and ask for her number, ask for a discount, ask for help.
One of my clients once said to me: if I take responsibility, I will have to decide, and with that I could jeopardize my dream, if I decide and be responsible for something, I could make a mistake, everyone will hate me,
And if that client does not assume that responsibility, isn’t that a greater risk?
There are those who claim that the fear of taking responsibility exists because we do not want to make a mistake.
Learn to forgive yourself for past mistakes, they are gone, a mistake in the past does not mean that it will happen again today.
A mistake is a mistake only if you do it again, if you don’t do it, then it’s just a lesson.
At one of the largest computer companies in the world, I was invited to help train one of the highest-ranking executives there, because he is supposed to take over as CEO, president of the firm, and the rest of the company. management. your skills and abilities, but every time you get a project, you don’t decide for yourself, but instead call someone else, sometimes the current CEO, and sometimes another colleague, to get their perspective on the matter, tell them that this It is because you want to show commitment and demonstrate that you are not driven by the ego, but in the best interest of the company. But after several conversations, the real reason arises, he mentioned that once they give him their opinion, they have decided for him, and if there is an error or something does not work, they are to blame and not him. The CEO himself was a shrewd and experienced businessman, and he couldn’t hide the fact that he knew, so we decided together to find ways to avoid the question and the answers, and every time he called for his opinion, he found a reason to end the conversation quickly, without revealing your opinion. And because I had a schedule, I had to find an answer inside.
This changed everything, as as the number of cases began to grow, he decided more things on his own, and that led him to be more sure of his opinion and personal judgment.
At one of the meetings, they asked him what he would like management to think.
He replied, quite quickly, that he wanted to be considered as:
o A leader.
o Make a decision.
o A man who understands.
or professional.
or ethical.
o Respect.
o And a man who can learn a lot from him.
And when asked what people think of someone who confers something on people.
He answered:
or distrustful.
or inexperienced.
or unprofessional.
o Lack of knowledge in the field.
o It is not a leader.
o A minor employee.
o Weak
o Nothing can be learned from it.
When I showed him the two answers, he understood that by choosing to act in that way he distanced himself from everything he dreams of.
Now is your turn!
What would you like people to think of you? At work, at home and in a business?
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In your opinion, what do the people you know and whose opinion matters to you think of a man who is not responsible?
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What do you think of those people who are not responsible and prefer to be held responsible by others?
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In which areas of your life are you not responsible?
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If you must take responsibility for these areas, what do you think would happen, what will your life be like in that area?
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Now, for each of the fields you have mentioned, write in it the details of the actions, which if you carry them out would mean taking responsibility for you.
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And now to phase 2.
Schedule.
One of the ways to resolve the fear of taking on the problem of responsibility is to establish a schedule, a schedule.
So, we will start by choosing a topic, an area of your life that you have listed as an area where you are not responsible, write it down on a separate piece of paper and add the actions that you claim if you take them. that would mean that you take responsibility.
To that, add the date it will start.
I’ll just add that people tend to set a round and convenient time to start.
For example, at the beginning of the year,
On a day of birth
When I get to the job,
When I moved
When I get married,
When i divorced
When I lose weight
When i have a baby
When I buy a car,
When I buy a house,
The beginning of the month
The beginning of the week
When I return from vacation,
After the holidays,
On my anniversary day
When the office is ready,
When the house is clean,
Etc.
But in this way we create a margin between today and that day of execution.
And so we create a new time and a new space to postpone, what we know about our past, we allow and allow negative thoughts to arise and generate doubts in us and our strength.
In doing so, we shoot ourselves in the leg.
We will try to compare this with passing between two points, where we dig a hole and cover it with many trees and grass; we create a trap that is difficult not to fall.
Write here now what is your new definition for global responsibility, a definition that you are willing to live with, a definition that each time you remember it you will feel better, and each time you remember it, it will strengthen you. Take responsibility.
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I remember a case in which I met a doctor who knew he would be a doctor since he was born, not because he wanted to but because he needed to continue the family tradition, he is still a doctor today, his grandfather passed away, his father too, and his son is already in his second school year,
To the question of what would you do if you could relive your life, he answered me once, to be an actor.
He chose to play the game of his family’s life, but his has yet to be discovered.
Do not follow the path expected of you, but follow your own path, that is the right one for you.
You have to do what you have to do, to be what you want to be
And that my friend is responsible.
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