I’ve had this idea in my head for over a year and it’s impossible for me to write what’s in my head, which just frustrates me and makes me more obsessed with the idea because I really want to write it, but I just can’t. I have tried to give up and accept that some people were born to be writers and others were not. but that only frustrates me in a hole of higher fixation. I know I’d have fun writing it if I could. to write. I have tried the “write only” approach dozens of times. nothing I’m happy with. Tried writing the bits that I most expected. nothing I’m happy with. I’ve tried outlining, writing a summary, using headcannons as a reference, etc … nothing! I can write how I feel in my journal very well, but when it comes to writing a story? it will not work. I do not know what to do? I have even prayed. nothing. I know the beginning, I know the end, I know the parts in between, I can see the images vividly, I have it all! And yet I am obviously aware that practice makes perfect and to practice I need to write, right? I know the first draft is usually bad because it is a first draft and that is what editing is for. I know it doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. I know that the writers I compare myself to also have to go through an editing process and that what I’m reading is probably worth hours of editing. and practice. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. but for the life of me I can’t get the story I want to write in a first draft. If only I could put together something bad but decent enough to keep going with my plot until the editing phase is insanely cool! it would be fun again! but I just can’t … which leads to procrastination because I know I can’t. It’s like my creativity is flowing freely, constantly finding bits that I’m really happy with, but as soon as I sit down with a blank word, my brain makes the marking sound and my creativity ceases. This story would have been made years ago if I could WRITE! I understand that it is possible to block writers for 6 months or 6 years, but I don’t want to have this idea for 6 years. By then the show will have been forgotten. I understand that writer burnout is also one thing and maybe that’s what’s happening. I don’t think I’m a good writer, but eventually I could be … with enough practice! But I can’t practice! You could say I’ve had the idea in my pocket for so long that it’s impossible for me to write it down now, but trying doesn’t just make me want to write more. sometimes you have to put aside an idea, but every time I try to put the idea aside it doesn’t stick for long. after three days I’m back where I started. I could definitely pull it off because I have all the time I need to work on it. maybe my brain is broken? Maybe I was born to be bad at everything maybe my brain is not good enough to have the ability to write. Maya Angelou was right, carrying an untold story inside of you really IS agony. Maybe I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but this is getting ridiculous. seriously. oh Maya, we are really in this now.
I’ve had this idea in my head for over a year and it’s impossible for me to write what’s in my head, which just frustrates me and makes me more obsessed with the idea because I really want to write it, but I just can’t. I have tried to give up and accept that some people were born to be writers and others were not. but that only frustrates me in a hole of higher fixation. I know I’d have fun writing it if I could. to write. I have tried the “write only” approach dozens of times. nothing I’m happy with. Tried writing the bits that I most expected. nothing I’m happy with. I’ve tried outlining, writing a summary, using headcannons as a reference, etc … nothing! I can write how I feel in my journal very well, but when it comes to writing a story? it will not work. I do not know what to do? I have even prayed. nothing. I know the beginning, I know the end, I know the parts in between, I can see the images vividly, I have it all! And yet I am obviously aware that practice makes perfect and to practice I need to write, right? I know the first draft is usually bad because it is a first draft and that is what editing is for. I know it doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. I know that the writers I compare myself to also have to go through an editing process and that what I’m reading is probably worth hours of editing. and practice. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. but for the life of me I can’t get the story I want to write in a first draft. If only I could put together something bad but decent enough to keep going with my plot until the editing phase is insanely cool! it would be fun again! but I just can’t … which leads to procrastination because I know I can’t. It’s like my creativity is flowing freely, constantly finding bits that I’m really happy with, but as soon as I sit down with a blank word, my brain makes the marking sound and my creativity ceases. This story would have been made years ago if I could WRITE! I understand that it is possible to block writers for 6 months or 6 years, but I don’t want to have this idea for 6 years. By then the show will have been forgotten. I understand that writer burnout is also one thing and maybe that’s what’s happening. I don’t think I’m a good writer, but eventually I could be … with enough practice! But I can’t practice! You could say I’ve had the idea in my pocket for so long that it’s impossible for me to write it down now, but trying doesn’t just make me want to write more. sometimes you have to put aside an idea, but every time I try to put the idea aside it doesn’t stick for long. after three days I’m back where I started. I could definitely pull it off because I have all the time I need to work on it. maybe my brain is broken? Maybe I was born to be bad at everything maybe my brain is not good enough to have the ability to write. Maya Angelou was right, carrying an untold story inside of you really IS agony. Maybe I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but this is getting ridiculous. seriously. oh Maya, we are really in this now.
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